The Complete Guide to Self Confidence. How to increase self-confidence Increasing self-confidence

By applying at least some of the advice and receiving even a slight increase in your self-confidence and self-esteem, you will significantly make your life easier, increase your income, improve your well-being and quality of life in general! You can actually achieve this quite quickly and easily.

Why is it important? Or what is self-confidence?

Your success in life = Your Professionalism/Skills , multiplied by Self-confidence and self-esteem. Which means that you cannot compensate for your lack of confidence and self-esteem with new knowledge and professionalism. If you want to live better and earn more, develop your self-confidence and self-esteem.

Have you noticed that there are some who are not very smart, but... successful people, self-confident, perhaps arrogant, boorish, pushing forward like an innocent bulldozer and, oddly enough, “for some reason,” achieving what they want?

Conversely, there are very smart good people, maybe from 2-3 higher education, but unsuccessful because they lack self-confidence and low self-esteem? And no matter what they do, somehow everything doesn’t work out very well, it falls out of hand. It’s not a matter of professional knowledge; in addition to that, you also need courage, drive, and determination.

This is what the presence or absence of self-confidence and good self-esteem means. You cannot compensate for them by receiving another university or MBA diploma or reading another hundred books.

I know excellent, kind, beautiful people, with 3 higher educations, living in cities, who can hardly earn food for themselves, because they have great self-doubt and low self-esteem.

Having even a small grain of self-confidence, you will be able to “move mountains” of things to do. And it’s really easy to implement and develop in yourself.

Tip 1: There is no need to be ashamed of insecurity and low self-esteem.

We live in very difficult times and are going through several structural crises at once. We were not prepared at school for such difficult times and rapid changes. That's why economic crises are called depressions.

They hit the self-esteem and self-confidence of almost all people painfully. Even businessmen can't stand it. Stress, chronic fatigue and burnout are becoming major diseases that lead to heart disease, cancer and even death.

Shame displaces the problem from consciousness. In other words, what are you ashamed of - you try not to notice, not to talk about it and not to pay attention to it. The problem will remain, but you won’t notice it and won’t know what you’re suffering from. For example, it took me 10 years to understand what was going on - I was ashamed. During this time, you could become more confident and increase your self-esteem dozens of times. And forget about it.

Living with low self-esteem creates a risk to health and life modern conditions. Therefore, it is vital to figure out how to increase self-esteem and self-confidence. Fear, shame and laziness have big eyes. Everything is much simpler than it seems, the one who walks will master the road, and luck is the reward for courage.

Tip 2: Perfectionism or learn to live with self-doubt and low self-esteem.

Even many celebrities admit that they consider themselves not very confident people. That doesn't stop them from achieving success. There is no limit to perfection. There is no limit to self-confidence. The topic is natural for everyone - it’s just that everyone has their own level.

Some lack the confidence and self-esteem to find a normal job. For others, to take their business to a new level, earn another million, or implement a grandiose project.

Uncertainty and low self-esteem will always bother you a little - this is normal. We are all living people. Once you achieve your current goal, you will want more and again you will not have enough self-esteem and self-confidence for a new goal.

Learn not to worry about insecurities and learn to keep moving forward in a state of low self-esteem! There are no ideal conditions, and they are not needed. You’ll go through the next step and won’t even notice how your confidence and self-esteem have improved “on your own.”

Tip 3: Why most trainings don't work? Psychology of self-confidence and self-esteem.

Insecurity and low self-esteem are very deep subconscious a habit that you have developed and, alas, been strengthened for decades. And then, through negative experience and stress, they were literally “concreted” into subconscious. We are controlled by the subconscious and habits - we need to change them first.

Work on changes must be carried out at two levels - at the conscious and subconscious levels. At a conscious level, for example, with the help of self-suggestion, a quick effect is obtained, but it is short-lived and you have to constantly do self-hypnosis or other exercises. Only at a subconscious level can deep changes be developed and the results consolidated forever.

Most of the trainings I have seen do not work on how to increase self-esteem and self-confidence in subconscious level. Coaches simply don't know how to work with the subconscious. Well, or they are too lazy to bother. And the practices are somehow more like self-hypnosis - self-esteem “bursts” like soap bubble from the first difficulty.

It’s much easier to create a short-term surge of confidence in one day - quickly get excellent video reviews. The student will leave happy, but after 2 days, confidence and self-esteem fall through the roof. The trainer doesn’t care about this anymore - the review has been received and will be used to sell the course to other similar people.

Attempts to contact the coach again may end with a hint “that you are a fool”, “keep doing the exercises”, pay again. This may be repeated several times. The student, having wasted his money, remains a fool and continues to fuss over the same situations, but with ineffective exercises.

Tip 4: What should the training be like? Secrets of the psychology of confidence and self-esteem.

Training that truly teaches how to increase self-esteem and self-confidence and leads to long-term and deep changes:

1. Last from 1 month to form the habit of thinking in a new way, the skills to stop doubting and being afraid.
2. Contains meditation exercises to create changes and consolidate the skill of “stop being afraid” and doubting at the level of consciousness and subconscious.
3. Has exercises that let go of previous negative experiences and doubts that concrete self-esteem below the plinth.
4. Improves life literally within a month, and even increases the participant’s income.
5. Tips and exercises should be simple. So that even the most insecure get results by stupidly performing the exercises. The quantity of exercises performed turns into quality - the skills of internal confidence and strong self-esteem are formed.
6. It shouldn't take a lot of time or effort. Modern man simply does not have them. About 1 hour a day no more.
7. "Shell" of tension– is it being released? (“The armor” of tension - constantly tense muscles on the body on the lower back, shoulders, neck, hips, face - everyone has, but not everyone feels it) If not, then this is not training on personal growth, but nonsense, with loss time and money. The effect will be short-term - a few days or weeks, a maximum of a month.

1. Qualitatively form new behavioral skills at the subconscious level - through simple exercises.

Exercise 1: You as an asset. How to develop self-confidence and improve self-esteem based on previous experiences.

The name suggests a solution. People with low self-esteem and lacking self-confidence do not value themselves, their experience, their knowledge, their past achievements, their skills. They say -

“Well, it happened by accident, I was just lucky,” “Oh, that’s nonsense.” They just forget that accidents are not accidental.

If you don’t value yourself and your achievements, who else will value you? First you learn to value yourself, and then others around you will catch up.

Keep a notebook that will be your “success diary”. There is something magical about keeping a diary - just by keeping a diary you can achieve sustainable personal growth, develop the skill of analyzing situations, changing oneself, and developing desired character traits.

Remember your past experiences and life stages: work, youth, university studies, school in different classes.

What successes, luck, victories, awards, achievements, skills, positive personal qualities have you had? What obstacles did you overcome to get them? Write it all down, along with your successes, in your diary.

• What did you do well?
• What did you do on your own? What did you do with your own hands?
• What could you do for free?
• What activities do you lose track of time in?
• What delighted you?
• What made your eyes sparkle in childhood or youth and your heart begin to beat with pleasant excitement?

Write down everything you remember in your notebook. Consciousness is capable of repressing (forgetting) unimportant events. And such events are definitely underestimated. It will take you several attempts to remember everything, and you don’t need to demand that you remember everything now. Just do this exercise for a few days. When you remember something, write it down.

Exercise – Daily Experience.

People tend to pay more attention to negative events and forget and belittle their virtues. It is recommended that every day, mentally go through the events of the day, remember what you accomplished today. Remember your small daily victories that you did not notice during the day, good luck, new opportunities, qualities.

Perform the exercise for several weeks or even months until you develop a stable skill, a new habit of immediately noticing and appreciating any of your small achievements, noticing even small opportunities.

You will be surprised how effective this will be for you. It is from such “small” achievements that strong self-confidence is formed, stable high self-esteem and a successful life are developed.

Exercise 2: Subconscious changes or how to gain self-confidence and raise self-esteem deep from within.

Do you have grievances or doubts? For example, I considered myself a non-touchy person. But everything turned out to be exactly the opposite. I was very touchy and actually took offense even for the smallest reason. Gradually the understanding came that this was not normal and that it was just me. I began to gradually let go of grievances.

Remember the movie "Gentlemen of Fortune"? One of the main characters was constantly offended by the other: “I tell him I have the flu, and he: “Get in the water, get in the water!” Because of this insult, he forgot that he was forced to climb into the water to hide that same golden helmet. Which they couldn't remember where they hid it and couldn't find it for the entire movie.

It’s the same in life, because of grievances, we concentrate on the bad and lose sight of opportunities. And over time, it takes a toll on self-esteem.

First, I wrote down in my diary all the grievances that were bothering me at the moment and that I could remember. There were 10-30 grievances. Then he released everything on the list. Then I wrote it down again and again and let it go until I let it all go. Now I have developed a strong skill and I need exactly a couple of seconds to let go of the offense.

How much easier it has become to live and communicate with other people.

I remember the times when I was offended with horror. Letting go of a grudge is a relief beyond words. Take a diary, write down 10-30+ grievances, start letting them go from the easiest to the most difficult. With every grievance released, you can gain a little self-confidence and raise your self-esteem a little.

- You can only offend the weak.

Is it possible to offend a strong, confident person with strong self-esteem? It turns out that any offense initially positions you as weak, vulnerable, and hard to touch. Letting go of a grudge means regaining your strength, self-respect, self-esteem and self-confidence that you can handle it. How nice it is to be strong from within and gain self-confidence and well-deserved self-esteem.

- All the grievances are such little things - complete nonsense.

Stop acting like a sissy - you are much stronger than you seem. Life can give you a beating and kicks, but so what? Is it really worth being offended for every reason? A kick in the ass means a step forward. A kick is not as terrible as our consciousness makes it out to be. The discomfort from certain situations is greatly exaggerated by our consciousness.

And you shouldn’t waste precious energy on them by being offended. Start letting go of grudges, and you will see how you will become much stronger than yourself. Let go of grudges for yourself, not for someone else. You need this first. Others do not care about your grievances - they carry water for the offended. Do the exercise, get rid of grievances and “they will stop carrying water” on your back.

You will find your strength, become confident with strong self-esteem.

Exercise 3: Mistakes in life or how to be confident, increase self-esteem and love yourself, despite past experiences.

Popular wisdom says:

• every cloud has a silver lining
• not flour, but science in advance
• There would be no happiness, but misfortune would help.

The list of similar proverbs can go on and on. The world is structured in such a way that everything is learned by comparison. Achievements and victories are therefore valuable, because losses can be painful. Only good things would be like butter, like sickly sweet.

Again, we are not taught or prepared for real and tough life. Yes it beautiful world– but it is full of dangers. Society is the same jungle with the struggle for survival, only tougher. And your whole life is a struggle: with sleep, with your weaknesses, with challenges, and with anything else...

If you succeeded in something, then you received some benefit or reward. If you made a mistake and got it wrong, then you got life lesson. If you want to achieve a lot in life, you need to increase the number of mistakes. Without mistakes you cannot achieve success.

Exercise: Analyze in writing the errors that bother you.

What lesson did you learn from this mistake? Yes, it may have been painful - accept the lesson and let go of the resentment, towards the situation, towards yourself or others for what happened. This is a stage in life that you need to go through. Accept the lesson and move on.

Everyone makes mistakes. But not everyone gets hung up on mistakes. By rejecting a painful “lesson”, you will attract similar situations to yourself again and again. By accepting the lesson, you regain your strength, self-esteem, self-confidence that you can achieve what you want and reach a new level. By accepting the situation, you admit that you are stronger than you thought about yourself. The way it is.

All your mistakes are dust, nonsense, raised to a power - not worth even one of your gray hairs. This is a fly turned into an elephant due to resentment. Let go and move on to new heights. This is exactly how strength is gained, strong life skills, this is how self-confidence and iron-clad self-esteem are forged and tempered.

Exercise 4: The roles you play. How to become a confident person and increase self-esteem.

We all play some role. For example, for a long time I played the role of a nice guy, a smart guy, a cheerful, perky guy. Of course, those around him liked it so much. Others play roles - I don’t care, I don’t need anything, I’m the most important, I’m cool. All these roles are not yours and are imposed in the process of socialization.

Externally, they can manifest themselves in the choice of clothing, gait, gestures, facial expressions, and behavior.

Naturally, the role prevents you from being yourself. Of course, to show your strength. For example, playing the role of a good guy, I couldn’t say “no” - I’m a good guy - and accordingly I was taken advantage of. Playing some role creates the illusion of security that everything is in order.

In fact, playing a role creates a rejection of a part of yourself, which naturally leads to low self-esteem and self-confidence. Embarrassment and self-consciousness. By giving up the role, you return yourself to yourself, find yourself, your strength, self-confidence. You allow yourself to claim what you really want deep down!

Look into your past. What roles have you played or are you currently playing? Why do you think you play this role? What are you running from by hiding in this role? What do you give up in yourself by playing this role? What are you afraid of and hiding behind this role? Describe how you should behave in such situations in order to be yourself?

Write this down in your diary, in more detail. Create the mindset that next time you will behave differently - just as you wrote down in your notebook. And you will become more confident and increase your self-esteem at the deepest subconscious level.

Exercise 5: How to become confident, love yourself and increase self-esteem?

In general, there are no special differences for men or women on how to become confident, love themselves and increase self-esteem. There are male problems, patterns of behavior, roles, weaknesses, prejudices, expectations or self-suppression. And there are women's ones. Therefore, in this section we will talk about gender patterns of behavior.

Letting go of men's troubles as a way to build self-esteem and self-confidence.

For example, I had a pattern of behavior - a reluctance to cook, to clean the apartment - this is not a man’s business, but I’m a man! As a result, often when trying to cook something, I unknowingly did something wrong, either the food burned out or something else. It was a kind of unconscious protest against the fact that I lived alone. As if he was complicating his life in order to “kick” himself for living alone.

While cleaning, I became very irritated, angry with myself - this is not a man’s business. Trying to jump out of my pants to make myself a “real man.” Well, and other male problems that really interfere with life. After letting them go, for example, I realized that I really like to cook and I’m great at it.

And having accepted the fact that cleaning an apartment is the job of both men and women, the perception changed - I began to see femininity in women, and not an apartment cleaner. By the way, women began to feel more comfortable around me. And now we do the cleaning together, quickly, dividing responsibilities and helping each other.

Letting go of women's troubles - the psychology of true femininity.

Naturally, these gender issues interfere with life and prevent you from being yourself. Similarly, there are women's problems. For example, for many women, femininity and weakness are synonymous. And in an attempt to “strengthen” their femininity, some women make themselves not just weak, but infirm.

I saw one of these - she had difficulty carrying a folder with documents, and at the same time she was very angry that she, so feminine, had to endure such a horror-horror weight of 1 kg. How can a weak woman be confident or have strong self-esteem? Yes, no way. Best the enemy of the good. Nobody forces you to carry heavy weights, just don’t make yourself weak.

Another example of a female pattern is to live for others: for children, for husband, for someone else. Which means self-suppression, self-sacrifice in the name of “good” goals.

Such people are unpleasant and cause rejection and hostility. Get rid of this “tuning”. Think about what female/male roles you play? What gender pattern of behavior do you have? Why are you actually playing this role or gimmick? What are you protesting against? Or what are you trying to prove? Did playing this role help you?

Discard this template - it is probably already very outdated and no longer effective. What new behavior would be more appropriate for you in the current conditions? Write it down in your diary and set yourself the mindset that next time you will behave in a new way and will no longer worry about these problems.

Exercise 6: Unfinished Business. Performance. Simulation of vigorous activity.

Unfinished tasks drain your strength, health and reduce your productivity. It is impossible to deceive yourself, or your subconscious - the subconscious, or some inner part of yourself, always knows who you really are.

If you are trying to get a new contract, customer or workplace, but at the same time you have a lot of unfinished things behind you - then your subconscious will slow you down. As if hinting - well, where do you need a new job if you haven’t finished the old one yet? You can't handle it. And he will begin to fill you with doubts.

Unfinished situations keep you in the past and do not allow you to live. Unfinished relationships interfere with your personal life and prevent you from creating new relationships. Without letting go of yourself the right people– You don’t let the right people into your life. This all reduces your self-esteem and self-confidence.

Sometimes it is very difficult to let go of something or someone.

I remember I couldn’t let go of some situation and turned to my teacher about it. He listened and asked - do I know how they catch monkeys in India? They feed on them there. I answered no. Hindus tie a glass jar and put a banana inside. The monkey sees the banana and puts his hand in, but the hand with the banana does not pass through the neck of the jar.

The monkey is unable to unclench his fist and let go of the banana, so he loses his life. My teacher looked at me and added - Let go of the banana, don’t be a monkey. Let go of the situation - don’t waste your health and strength on it.

Do the exercise as quickly as possible: write down in your diary what unfinished business, relationships, situations you have? Think about how you could finish them to free yourself? Write down your new steps in order to end situations. Take action immediately. Let go of those who need to be let go.

You do this for yourself first and foremost, and not for someone else. Create a mindset for the future that you will complete situations, projects, work. Stick to this new rule. Remember - you have no restrictions except those. What have you created for yourself? You are the very person who is holding you back the most.

Exercise 7: How self-doubt and low self-esteem affect health.

People with low self-esteem and insecure tend to treat themselves and their lives. There is a disregard for health, a disregard for health. Low self-esteem and self-doubt create a state of apathy. They discourage the desire to do something for themselves. Includes ignoring yourself.

Some self-revenge is even possible. For example, one of my friends could drink in moments of hopelessness, and then get behind the wheel and drive around the city “drunk.” Well, this is her form of self-denial, self-punishment for the fact that something in life does not work out. There are other forms that I will not describe.

Remember that you need to take care of your health. Neglecting your health is tantamount to neglecting yourself. If you don’t value yourself, who will value you? And at the same time, valuing yourself and your health is almost the same thing. Be sure to take care of your health – do regular exercise – it’s not difficult.

In a healthy body healthy mind. A healthy mind means healthy self-esteem and self-confidence. Take care of your health and don’t wait for better times - start taking care of yourself today and every day.

Exercise 8: Letting go of self-pity or how to become confident, love yourself and raise self-esteem.

There is such a pattern in behavior - poor baby, self-pity. Oh, what pain self-pity brings. When you feel sorry for yourself, some muscles on your head tense and cause incredible pain! Self-pity literally blocks your progress, rams your self-confidence and self-esteem into the dirt.

Self-pity greatly annoys the people around you. It is incredibly difficult to communicate with such people. Therefore, people subconsciously avoid those who feel sorry for themselves; they subconsciously want to get rid of such people as quickly as possible. Run further. It’s surprising - people don’t like to be pitiful, but they often fall into self-pity and want to be pitied.

Which means they will look pathetic, although few people can logically connect this. Get rid of this relic, hard times. With the help of pity, the most you will get is a handout in the form of a “crust of bread.” If you really want to succeed, you can't do it with handouts. You must achieve your success through strength, firmness, and character.

By letting go of self-pity, you regain your strength, restore and strengthen your self-confidence, and increase your self-esteem.

Write down in your notebook why you feel sorry for yourself? And start describing why you really feel sorry for yourself? Let go of pity until a strong skill is formed. Over time, you will be able to let go of pity in a few seconds. And a habit will appear to stop feeling sorry for yourself.

Exercise 9: Look fear in the eye or the psychology of self-confidence and increasing self-esteem.

All people have fears and are afraid of something. Again, everyone has their own level. We need fear for survival - it is a harbinger of danger. But when emotions are added to fear, “the fly turns into an elephant.” People say that fear has big eyes. Because there is no more than 1-3 percent rational in your fear.

And everything else that you are afraid of is dust, nothing. The other 97% of your fear is an exaggeration. Fear constrains and prevents action. What kind of self-esteem can there be if there are fears? Fear is deposited on the body as a thick layer of tension. By letting go of fear, tension in the body is also released.

Castaneda (the most quoted mystic of the 20th century) argued that fear is our first enemy that must be defeated. But if you lose to fear, you will lose for life. I met a girl who lost the battle to her fear. Those. She couldn’t let go of some fear at the right moment.

Her fear turned to paranoia. She was afraid of everything. Mostly her fears were contrived by her rich imagination. For example, she was afraid to stand with her feet on a chair 30-40 cm high. How can you let go of fear? Look deep into the fear. Find out what you are really afraid of. Write this down in detail in your diary.

Imagine what will happen if something that scares you happens? Is it really as terrible as fear makes it out to be? Will you really not survive this? Continue to look fear in the face and try to understand and feel what you are really afraid of. Write down all your thoughts.

Before my decisive battle with fear, I psyched myself up for several hours.

I was shaking with fear, like a perch in the wind. But I gathered my courage, prepared myself mentally, prepared to look him in the face - to deal with this fear. Everything turned out to be so banal. It was some kind of complete nonsense that I invented for myself.

I let go and felt better. It was as if a great weight had been lifted from my shoulders - the muscles of the shoulders and near the neck relaxed. Then I let go of many more fears. There were so many of them. And how they interfered with life. Has fear disappeared completely? No, it’s still there, just a little bit, 100 times less than it was.

That's how much should remain. Fear is like a harbinger of danger, which without fear we will not notice. Does this prevent you from living, acting, reaching new levels? No.

Exercise 10: Letting go of guilt or how to gain self-confidence, increase self-esteem and love yourself.

As Confucius said: The one who imposes guilt on you wants to control you. Guilt literally hammers self-esteem and self-confidence into the ground with a sledgehammer. Trying to gain self-confidence and increase self-esteem while feeling guilty is like trying to fill a sieve with water.

When you have a feeling of guilt, ropes can be twisted out of you. And the worst thing is that there will always be people who will do this. First, a person is accused of omissions, negligence, and mistakes, half of which are invented, and the rest are exaggerated. And then they supposedly do a favor and forgive, but in fact they plow on free work, on obligations, etc.

Feelings of guilt are released, just like resentment, only more difficult. Feelings of guilt are such a big offense against yourself. I recommend letting go of a few dozen grievances first in order to gain experience before you start letting go of feelings of guilt. The moment when the feeling of guilt was released - you will not confuse it with anything.

This is a moment of intense relief, liberation, as if a heavy burden had been removed from the soul. The biggest difficulty in letting go of guilt is that people really believe that they deserve it, that they themselves are to blame and should be punished.

You will be surprised, but you have no reason to feel guilty, even if you made some mistake.

And if you let go of the blame, this does not mean that you will make mistakes more often, it does not mean that you will go to great lengths and become crazy. Rather, on the contrary, the feeling of guilt attracts mistakes and problems like a magnet.

Feel free to get rid of guilt - remember no one owes anyone anything. Just as you are owed nothing, neither are you. If you feel guilty, it means you have loaded yourself with something unnecessary. This kind of ego, look what a cool anti-hero I am, was able to ruin the lives of so many people. But deep down I’m good, so I torment myself with guilt.

It is impossible to be responsible when you feel guilty. Guilt replaces responsibility. You will act extremely irresponsibly, people will be angry with you, offended, but your conscience will torment you. This is not conscience - it is irresponsibility that torments you. Do you want to be responsible? Let go of guilt towards others.

Exercise 11: Self-deceptions and delusions. Self-hypnosis of negativity or who are you really trying to deceive?

I remember how at the very beginning, when I was just starting to work on my self-esteem and self-confidence, my teacher carefully caught me in self-deception. For me it was like a bolt from the blue. "How? Am I kidding myself? It can’t be like that.”

Later, of course, many self-deceptions were revealed and released. Each time it brought incredible relief and gave me a little bit of self-esteem and strength. If you think that you are not deceiving yourself, then this is your first self-deception! Nothing human is alien to you. Actually, just like any other people.

There is no need to judge yourself for this. We are all like this, to one degree or another. These are people, and you are the same - also, first of all - a person. Think about situations when you deceived yourself. Think about why this happened? Write down in more detail the reasons for self-deception in your diary. Don't be afraid to tell yourself the truth.

Remember or find a moment in the situation when you made a Choice in favor of self-deception. Mentally replay the situation. Imagine that you acted differently - as you should have. And set yourself the mindset that next time in a new situation you will act differently - without self-deception.

Think about a time when you tried to deceive someone else. Who did you really deceive? It is truly true that it is impossible to deceive anyone but yourself. Mentally replay the situation. Write down your new attitude in your diary, and you will feel how you have gained a little bit of self-esteem, a little bit of strength. And along with them, self-esteem and self-confidence have strengthened a little.

Your environment pulls you towards itself. If they are Taller than you, they will pull you up. If it is lower than you, then they will accordingly pull you down, and your confidence and self-esteem will fall. You can also choose a circle of like-minded people - those people who strive for more and really work on themselves - with such people you will also grow.

There is a category of people from whom you need to run - it is impossible to help them. You will not have enough strength, health, or life to help them get out of the hole into which they stubbornly plunge themselves. This is not bad. This does not characterize you as bad. Save yourself and thousands around you will be saved. If you try to save someone around you, you won’t save anyone, including yourself.

I'm not saying don't help others. You can help if they help themselves. What if they drown themselves? Will it not happen that the drowning person will drag the rescuer with him, i.e. You? There are some things that life has to explain. And if people harm themselves so much, then only life can force them to change their attitude towards themselves in order to begin to dig themselves out of the hole.

There is nothing wrong with choosing the right social circle for yourself, refusing to communicate with those who are drowning themselves and drowning others. Who will you hang out with...

Exercise 13: A mess in the head leads to low self-esteem and prevents you from developing self-confidence.

There is such a law of nature - what is outside is also inside. (Maybe someday I will describe all the laws of nature in interpersonal relationships in a separate article.) If a person has a mess around him, then there is also a mess in his head. Sorry. Living in a mess is difficult. And by the way, establishing and maintaining order around you leads to order in your head.

I know people who have a complete mess everywhere: at their desks, trash in the car, a dislike for cleaning the house. And, “oddly enough,” in personal relationships, in business relations, in friendships, with children and even with parents - it’s also a complete mess. Without luminous. I feel sorry for the children - they can follow in the footsteps of their parents.

Well, I understand that unwritten rules must be broken if you want to achieve something. Serious projects cannot be implemented in a perfectly organized office. Working for results means some chaos. And I'm not going to dispute this. But only a work mess, as a consequence of the work or creative process. And not a household mess, as a result of a mess in the head.

I urge you to fight the household mess.

Once you’ve done your work, remove the unnecessary stuff, put things in order as much as possible. Similarly at home - put things in order in the rooms, in the closets where your things are stored, in personal documents, in your car, in tools for men or in cosmetics for women, in the kitchen among dishes and accessories.

Don’t stress, if you need help, find and watch a few video lessons, there are a lot of them now. Buy devices for this: various hangers, drawers, folders, shelves are now full of them for all occasions - everything you need to put at least some order.

Start striving for order. It may be difficult at first, but then it will become natural. Learn to put the used item back in its place immediately after use. This will take 3 seconds maximum. Take off your clothes and put them back in their place straightaway or in the laundry basket. There is no need to accumulate it on chairs in order to collect everything later.

Clean up your apartment, your closets, your desk, your belongings. Throw away the junk.

When using a tool or accessory, put it back immediately. Once you’ve used the dishes, put them straight into the dishwasher – you don’t need to put them in the sink first because it’s quicker for a second, and then you can put everything in the dishwasher separately. By adhering to this rule, you will have order, cleanliness and will have time for much more. A lot more.

And I guarantee you that you will respect yourself more, you will find yourself, you will become more confident, your self-esteem will increase - after you put things in order around you and when you strive for order. You will gain inner strength. Self-esteem is the foundation of self-esteem and confidence.

Exercise 14: Comparing yourself to others or how self-doubt and low self-esteem are developed.

Probably one of the most detrimental habits for self-esteem and self-confidence is comparing yourself to others. This habit fuels and cements your self-doubt and low self-esteem. One way or another, everyone has this habit. Some have more, some have less.

If you observe this habit more closely, you will notice features. Usually comparisons are made selectively, with those who are more advanced, with those who are more successful, who are at a higher level, without noticing the shortcomings of the object of comparison. On the contrary, your own shortcomings are looked at under a microscope when making comparisons.

If the object of comparison is not cool enough, then consciousness quickly finds another, more advanced object for comparison. It turns out, a priori, a no-win option that lowers self-esteem and self-confidence lower and lower. This is unconscious self-torture, formed into a “sweet” sadomasochistic habit.

Naturally, such a comparison discourages, demotivates, prevents you from acting, improving your life, and can drive you into hopelessness and depression. To realize and get rid of this habit, take a diary and spend some time observing how you compare yourself with someone else.

• How do you choose an object for comparison?
• How do you choose what to compare with what?
• What details do you pay attention to?
• What strengths do you not notice?
• What shortcomings do you not notice in others?

You need to notice and become aware of everything described above as a habit. After you have described the details, try to do exactly the opposite: look for your advantages, and look for the disadvantages of the object of comparison. You'll be surprised how much of both there is.

Tell yourself honestly - why are you better than the person you compare yourself with?

I am almost sure that you will find virtues in yourself, qualities that you have underestimated in yourself until now. Continue to look for your strengths and write them down in your journal. Do this every time you catch yourself comparing yourself to someone.

Having done this exercise several times, first in writing, then it will be enough orally - you will begin to notice more advantages in yourself, and others have more disadvantages, and, in principle, you will get tired of comparing yourself with someone, this is an empty matter. You will just know that you are okay. You will succeed.

form internal ban to use your strengths, qualities and advantages. Over time, you stop noticing them at all. You need to bring this quality back - notice where you are superior to others. With practice, your thinking will change, and your skill will be formed.

You must learn to notice the weaknesses of your competitors.

Your mind and thinking must be sharpened to identify them. And develop this skill to the smallest detail. And somewhere on background In the subconscious, your powers of observation must constantly work to identify your advantages over others.

I am sure that you have incredibly many advantages, you just don’t notice them and forbid yourself to use them. And it became a deep subconscious habit. Start changing your thinking. Find your strengths and other people's weaknesses. Allow yourself to use this for business, in order to win this competition.

Compare yourself today with yourself yesterday. This is needed as a guide, so that you can see that you are growing, that you are moving forward. Do something every day to be better than yesterday. And with these small steps you will gradually but surely increase your self-esteem and self-confidence. You will be surprised how quickly you will move forward and upward.

Exercise 15: Excessive modesty, shyness, honesty, truthfulness - or how they are hidden in themselves.

Many people overestimate modesty. They consider modesty too much as a benefactor, almost in the last resort. But in the current world, it is impossible to succeed with excessive modesty.

I want to warn you right away that I am not calling for abandoning modesty altogether. There is some benefit from it. But too much modesty is extremely harmful in modern society. I urge you to abandon only “excessive modesty.” And I really hope that you are smart enough to distinguish between “modesty” and “excessive modesty,” because there are huge differences between them.

Excessive modesty, i.e. when there is a lot of modesty, this is nothing more than self-suppression, an internal barrier, self-deception, when the disadvantage hidden under modesty in the form of low self-esteem and self-doubt is presented as a virtue.

A complete lack of modesty is bad, too much modesty is also bad.

There must be some middle ground, neither more nor less. And so you need to let go of some of the modesty. Well, you are your own judge and are free to choose how much modesty to keep and how much to let go - it depends on the life you want to live.

Remember situations in which you were too modest and missed something. Write them down in a notebook, then analyze each one in detail separately. Find that line when there was too much modesty and it began to harm. Think about how you should have behaved differently so that you might not have been missed?

Write it down in your notebook new model behavior. Set yourself the mindset that next time you will behave differently - just as you yourself chose.

All of the above also applies to shyness, honesty, truthfulness - there should be neither more nor less of them. He who speaks a lot of truth is a truth teller. He who is too honest is holier than the Pope.

If you tell only the truth and don’t lie for at least 1 day, then by the evening you can become divorced, unemployed, without friends, beaten up with broken bones in intensive care. Yes, I know we are taught to be too honest from childhood, and then those who are “too honest” cannot get along with anyone because they are “too honest”.

Too much honesty, shyness, modesty is disguised self-suppression, elevated to benefactors of which one is mistakenly proud. There should be neither many nor few. Do an exercise with all the situations when you were too honest and shy - find an acceptable middle ground.

Exercise 16: Criticism - How to benefit and ignore bias?

One wise man was asked:
– Who was your teacher?
It’s easier to answer who wasn’t,
- answered the sage.

Everyone needs Feedback and it looks nothing other than criticism. On the other hand, criticism can be unpleasant, annoying, painful, demotivating, affects self-esteem and lowers confidence. Criticism can be useful or useless, or it can be revealing.

The worst and most offensive criticism is its complete absence, which means that you swim too shallow and no one is interested in you. It’s better if it’s unconstructive, negative, useless – you can still get at least some benefit from it.

It follows from this that any criticism you receive is of GREAT value. As your self-esteem and self-confidence grow, you will be able to more easily endure harsher criticism and gain more benefit from it.

The most dangerous criticism is only positive feedback or praise. If you are not criticized negatively, it means you are too authoritarian, you suppress people, or they are afraid of you, so they prefer to remain silent, out of harm’s way. Only positive feedback means that you are being deceived, possibly robbed, and you are seriously missing out on something.

There are several types of criticism:

• Constructive criticism or feedback.

  Criticism is very valuable, when it is useful, it is good for correcting mistakes. Accessible to fairly advanced people who respect you. It requires incredible effort, life experience and wisdom to say exactly on target and without getting too personal or emotional. It can often take time to think about a topic and accurately give advice.

If you find a person who can give you constructive and useful criticism and feedback, hold on to him with your hands, feet, teeth, money, gifts. This is criticism that is worth and must be paid for, because it pays off with interest.

Often the majority forgets to pay for such criticism and this is very, very stupid - such people also need to eat something, but even they are not fed for free. If you want more criticism like this, which is essentially support, pay!

If the criticism is constructive and useless, biased, it means that a professional is discrediting you. You may be facing a serious challenge. Which significantly suggests that there are great interests or money at stake. You have grown up, you have been noticed, perhaps you are biting off someone else’s piece or someone wants to bite off yours.

• Emotional criticism.

  With transitions to the individual, with some venting of dissatisfaction. The most common criticism. Most people cannot express their thoughts any other way. You shouldn't be angry with them. Although this is the most offensive, demotivating criticism. Cultivate detachment.

  And it is certainly difficult for everyone to criticize without emotions - this is not taught in school, it requires a subtle mind, education, and life experience. A person who criticizes in this way is touchy, full of dissatisfaction, does not quite understand what he wants to say, and he also has little experience, education, or patience.

It may be indicative of this criticism that this person does not completely respect you, otherwise he would choose his words. Perhaps you don’t respect yourself if you allow yourself to be treated this way.

• Unconstructive criticism.

Something that needs to be thought about and meditated on in order to figure out what the critic wants to convey. It can be useful when the critic cannot express his thoughts accurately and is not fully aware of what he wants to say.
Often useless: someone wanted to be smart or is pursuing some other interests - it’s hard to remain silent when no one asks. Learn to completely ignore useless criticism: The dog barks, the caravan moves on.

• Biased criticism, accusations, insults.

  Very revealing situations. When you are subjected to such criticism, you are simply being deceived, discredited or wanted to be used. You are either in the wrong place, or you have seriously crossed someone’s path, they have noticed you and are trying to eliminate you using dishonest methods. Well, or you stepped on someone’s tail, hard and painfully.

  Oddly enough, but it may be useful. Perhaps you accidentally touched someone alive and the person burst. It is quite difficult to identify anything useful from this. Rather, such criticism is indicative - what exactly is indicative - you need to figure it out yourself. If there is no benefit, feel free to ignore it 100%, as if it doesn’t exist.

  Having such criticism from enemies and serious competitors means a big plus for you. And vice versa, the presence of praise from competitors means a big fat minus - you are missing something, making a mistake or doing it wrong.

• They're trolling.

  Mostly online. They envy you. Someone is taking out their frustration on you. Perhaps you have gathered the wrong audience, they have nothing to do, they have a lot of time, little money and are too lazy to think - people are having fun, being stupid, being mischievous.

  This is revealing criticism. Starting from a certain level of popularity, trolls are a must, otherwise your popularity is a myth. Completely ignore what they say and write. But keep an eye on the quantity - this is indicative. If there are no trolls, it means you are still of little interest to anyone. Change your strategy - start taking more confident actions.

Too much negative and emotional criticism, which a person does not have time to realize and let go, can make a person neurotic by leaps and bounds, driving him into apathy and depression. However, we are not taught at school or university how to benefit from different types of criticism. It's a pity.

Essentially it means that education and upbringing do not teach how to live. Only parents can teach this if they have such skills or through training. And first of all, it is your task to independently develop the skills you need for a successful life. Remember - no one owes you anything, not even your parents.

Good feedback and soft constructive criticism– on the contrary, it is moving forward by leaps and bounds. Do not spare money for such criticism - pay, you will avoid many mistakes that will cost you tens of times more.

There are people who are completely closed to criticism.

And therefore, for years, banging their heads into the same situations, into which they periodically find themselves, like kicking into cow dung. If a person is closed, then he is closed. To criticize someone like that is to make an enemy. If you perceive criticism painfully, it seems to you that everyone is pestering you - perhaps you are also closed to criticism. Do the exercise and begin to gradually open up.

It is vital for you to be able to be open and learn something useful from criticism, and to include detachment. Psychological armor “like in a tank”, from incorrect criticism - let them bang their heads. Learn to distinguish one criticism from another. To do this, periodically analyze the situations and context of criticism in which you find yourself.

Remember now one situation when you were criticized. It’s very revealing, why did this really grab your attention? Don’t think about what the person said - think about why it actually bothered you, offended you? Very often, during painful criticism, I caught myself thinking that I myself also thought it was terrible how I condemned myself for it.

I don’t change anything, I pretend that everything is fine - that’s why the criticism was so catchy. Think about what mistakes you actually made? What should you do differently to avoid such situations in the future?

For example, I had a conflict with an employee of a lower rank.

Formally, I was right - in “everything for the common cause,” but only formally. He spoke very badly about me and constantly created problems for me, the work was done terribly, we even almost got into a fight. After meditating on the situations, I realized that I was behaving arrogantly, overly demanding, towards him.

Having removed my arrogance towards him, the situation “itself” was exhausted in 5 seconds. We began to understand each other completely and realized together a large number of things that were previously almost impossible. We both forgot about the situation and only after 1.5 years I accidentally remembered that we once had a conflict.

To some extent, every person who criticizes you is your teacher.

Exercise 17: Responsibility = control = result = confidence = self-esteem.

We live in very, very difficult times. We were not prepared for this. Now several crises have coincided at the same time: a structural economic crisis, a cultural, civilizational, demographic, religious, informational and others. It’s not that we weren’t prepared for this, all these difficulties were created for us, one way or another, on purpose or not on purpose – it doesn’t matter.

But you are still stronger than external shocks and problems. You have been given a LOT of strength from within to cope with all difficulties. There are still incredibly many opportunities to succeed even at this time. time of crisis. By raising your confidence and increasing your self-esteem, you will see this.

And it doesn’t take much time. And for everything to become accessible to you, you need to accept responsibility for your life, for the position in which you find yourself.

You need to firmly tell yourself that you alone are responsible for the troubles and victories that happened to you. Neither the victories nor the achievements were an accident. Your current situation is the result of decisions you made earlier, or inaction, the result of choices you made earlier. Only in some cases did this lead to victories, and in others to mistakes.

If you are not involved in your mistakes, then you are not involved in your victories.

By accepting your involvement in your mistakes, you thereby unlock your inner strength. If you made a mistake, then it was you who made the victory, and not someone or something. And this is not an accident. And, therefore, if you were able to win then, then you can win now and in the future!

Just keep in mind - you CANNOT spread rot on yourself or condemn yourself for mistakes. You need to accept yourself, although it can be difficult - otherwise it is not acceptance, but rejection of yourself. Acceptance is when you accepted a mistake, do not condemn yourself for it, you are not ashamed to tell yourself - yes, I made a mistake, I am, first of all, a human being.

By accepting responsibility for what happens to you, you can change. As Karen Horney, a world-famous psychologist, said: External problems are nothing if you are strong from within.

Take responsibility for what is happening - start doing these exercises, and your life is guaranteed to begin to improve by leaps and bounds.

Have I done all these exercises myself?

Yes, I have completed them dozens of times, each one. And I know a lot of such people. And by the way, not only these - I did many times more exercises. I have described for you only the most necessary and effective ones. Their life changed dramatically.

And the period of life, my youth, which should be the most beautiful part of life, is now remembered as a nightmare - because of all these stupid and small mistakes. Like fighting your head against a wall. Like a lot of mistakes, a lot of noise, disappointments and few results.

With each exercise completed, life became better and better. I continue to do them - life continues to improve. And it's oh so nice! And I am sure that you can significantly improve your life with the help of these exercises! And is there anything more important than this?

Performing such exercises means truly appreciating yourself and your life. This means self-respect, self-care. Getting rid of these minor troubles means loving yourself, finding yourself, getting yourself back - squeezing the slave out of yourself drop by drop. The reluctance to change and look after your health is indicative: subconsciously (unconsciously) you do not value yourself and your life.

A person who does not do such exercises is simply deceiving himself. I hope this is obvious to you? I hope it’s obvious to you that a terrible life and old age await you if you give up all these little bad habits?

How to perform these exercises quickly and speed up your progress? Self confidence training.

Nowadays, it is not enough to practice the correct exercises. Life changes too quickly and becomes more complicated. People are overloaded with work, everyday worries, and there is little time left for practice, as well as strength. It is vital to achieve quick results.

1. An environment that motivates change or, practice in the company of like-minded people.

“It’s bad for a person when he’s alone.
Woe to one, one is not a warrior"
V. Mayakovsky.

Internal changes take place easier and faster when you are in an appropriate environment that is tuned to the same changes as you. It happens in places like this chain reaction when group members help and stimulate each other.

While your current environment will demotivate and discredit what you do. On the other hand, it is very difficult to admit to someone that you are working on self-esteem - only very strong people are able to understand what you mean and appreciate it.

95% of people don't learn and don't want to change. I don’t know how they will survive in 5-10 years and I think that very serious problems await them. Look for like-minded people and an environment in which you can open up, and which will pull you towards change and finding yourself.

One of the possible options for joint practice and work on oneself is my “Inner Circle” - participants in my self-confidence trainings.

2. Meditation: Engine and fuel for moving forward.

Any change requires energy. Where can you get it when all your energy goes to work and everyday life? Answer: meditation to accumulate energy. Yes, it is with meditation that the speed of changing oneself increases tens of times and practice turns into an easy, pleasant process.

Thanks to meditation, you can learn to let go of some grievances, feelings of guilt in just a few seconds, according to the principle of remembering and letting go.

Teaching meditation through an article is like teaching swimming while sitting in the office. On initial stage meditation is practiced with a leader, and then independently.

Having mastered meditation once, you can then use it for the rest of your life. You can learn meditation at the training “Doubling Your Self-Confidence in 5 Lessons”

3. Intensive start with self-confidence training.

I hope you liked this article and exercises, and you received a comprehensive, understandable, constructive answer to the question: how to increase self-esteem and self-confidence?

• Do you agree that by applying at least half of it, your self-confidence will increase significantly?
• Do you agree that by practicing these exercises on a regular basis over the next year, your self-confidence will increase significantly? Namely 2 – 3 – 10 or more times?
• Do you agree that by completing at least part of the exercise, your life will improve significantly? Will you be less nervous, tired, and make mistakes?

The only thing left to do is start doing these exercises and get results. The bad news is that if you put it off now until later, you will return back to your reality and forget in 1-2 days not only about the exercises described above, but also about the article in general.

You and your life will remain without the changes you desire. Perhaps you will never be able to achieve your goals and dreams - because you lacked self-confidence. In order to change something, you need to act!

AND better time for action it is now. In six months to a year, you will greatly regret that you did not start doing the exercises today. Follow the link and register for the training.

This training is The best way start improving your life. Register now and see you at the training!

Change, i.e. Only active actions – doing exercises – can improve your life. Do the exercises regularly - and then the result is guaranteed to come to you, you won’t even notice it. Follow the link above, register for the training and start practicing today!

PS2

To be continued. Subscribe to my newsletter. And you will be aware of my new articles, new trainings, free classes.

It would probably not be amiss to remind you, dear readers, how important it is to be a self-confident person in this life. However, you yourself can clearly see how self-confident people achieve much greater success in this world than insecure people. They are drawn to the confident, they love the confident, and they shun the insecure, ridicule them, and in some cases even despise them. Self-confidence is a sign of strength, and self-doubt is a sign of weakness. And people love and respect strength, and hate weakness, because weakness does not lead to anything good. Therefore, it is better to be a confident person in order to enjoy life and achieve all kinds of success in it. In this article I will tell you how to increase self-confidence in ways I know and have tried. And in general, on this site, I will try to write more about self-confidence, since this is a very important topic for many people. So check me out more often. Well, now, let's study this issue properly.

So, self-confidence – what is it? Let's say it very simply and clearly - this is understanding yourself and loving yourself! As for faith, it, of course, must be present in your heart and mind. But it must be so strong and durable that it cannot be shaken. That is, you must always believe in yourself, no matter what happens. And believing in yourself means understanding yourself and loving yourself, again, no matter what. No one, remember, no one should shake your faith in yourself, no one should force you to doubt yourself and your capabilities! Otherwise, there is no point in faith! Believe in yourself as if you know for sure that nothing is impossible for you in this life and that you are the most best person in this world, the most valuable person in this world, without whom he cannot exist. Confident people understand that besides themselves, there is no one and nothing more important in this world. Confident people love themselves for the fact that they simply exist, that they exist, they love themselves for the fact that they have the opportunity to live and enjoy everything that life gives them, both good and bad. They enjoy life and love it, no matter what it is like. You will never become a completely confident person if you only feel confident in certain situations when external circumstances are favorable to you. You must always believe in yourself to be confident, so to speak, for real! And you also need to understand yourself in order to see all your strengths and weak sides and skillfully use them to achieve your goals. You shouldn't divide your life into black and white. Your whole life should be a holiday for you! And you must be the main character in your life, you need to become an authority for yourself, and then, if possible, for others. And then, friends, a miracle will happen - the self-confidence program will turn on in you. This is the program of a leader, a leader, a hunter, a program of a high-ranking male, or a female, if you are a woman.

You and I are made friends in such a way that within us lives both a slave and a master. And depending on how our life develops, as well as on how we treat ourselves, either the self-confident personality of a master awakens in us, or the insecure, degenerate personality of a slave. Do you understand the meaning of what we call self-confidence? This is the state strong man- leader, leader! This is a program, to put it in computer language, necessary for those people who want to subjugate, and not obey.

So, let's look at what a confident person should be like, so that you understand what you need to do to become just such a person. There are opinions that live in the heads of many people, according to which a confident person always maintains his posture, walks with his head held high, confident gait, speaks loudly and confidently, actively gestures, he is firm in his decisions, always in good mood And so on and so forth. Friends, if you hear or read such nonsense somewhere, you can safely ignore it, because such an understanding of the state of self-confidence has nothing to do with it. A self-confident person does not care about all of the above. He doesn’t care what his posture is, how he speaks, how he walks, what he looks like, and so on - he loves himself as he is, and does not pay attention to the discrepancy between his behavior and the beliefs of other people. If you don’t like the way a person talks, the way he walks, the way he looks, and you consider him insecure, that’s your problem. A confident person doesn’t care about your opinion or your attitude towards him. If he needs it, he will force you to treat yourself in the way he needs, and if he doesn’t need it, he won’t care about you. Of course, being interested in impressing people, a confident person can change his behavior as necessary, he can play one role or another if it is necessary for people to form the opinion he needs about him. But he himself, within himself, will remain the way it is convenient for him to be. So with all this external signs self-confidence - do not attach importance. Live the way you are comfortable living, behave the way you are comfortable behaving, and convince other people that you are right - let them change and adapt to you, not you to them. Let them follow your rules, and you ignore their rules. Is it difficult for you to do this? Come on, there’s nothing complicated about it. You just need to tune in to the right logic to do what you need. The one who considers himself right and at the same time actively, but competently, imposes his rightness on others is always right, and not the one who is supposedly objectively right. There is no objectivity, each person is right in his own way, because each person has his own interests.

Therefore, there is nothing difficult in sticking to your own beliefs and following your own rules. And this approach to life will include in you the program of a strong, self-confident person. And by competently imposing your beliefs and rules on other people, you will turn on the leader’s program within yourself. But keep in mind that you must always carefully and competently present your rightness, your beliefs, values ​​and rules to other people so that they agree to accept them and not resist them. There is no need to force anything on anyone using aggressive methods. Show people in the best light - your values, views, beliefs, rules and they themselves will accept it all. A confident person does not force anything on anyone. Instead, he beautifully shows people his values, his views on certain things, his truth, invites them to follow his rules, so that they themselves want to become part of this all, so that they voluntarily agree to follow his rules. But aggressive behavior, the use of brute physical force against the weak is not only a sign of a person’s low intellectual development, but also evidence of his lack of self-confidence.

You know, friends, formally, there are so many ways to increase self-confidence that you can even get confused among them. You have probably already read articles on this topic and tried to do something with yourself, using the information received to become a more confident person. So what happened? You probably haven't succeeded in everything, if anything at all, since you're reading this article. Do you know why nothing really worked out for you, why, after learning about how to increase your self-confidence, you never increased it? But because this is not science, it is not knowledge that is important here, but feelings and sensations. You need to learn to feel like a free person and learn to feel important to yourself. You must awaken a free and strong personality in yourself, and shut up that downtrodden mediocrity that is always trying to please everyone and adapt to everyone, that is afraid of criticism and tries to always and everywhere stay away. And all these steps aimed at increasing self-confidence, which you can read about in books and in countless articles on the Internet, are just a theory, dry and lifeless. Feel the taste of life, whatever it is for you, feel your independence from everything that happens in this world. Dissolve in your life, in the current moment, as if you have come out of darkness into the light, and forget about everything that prevents you from loving this life. This love for life will allow you to love yourself, because if it weren’t for you, there wouldn’t be this bliss that you experience when you live, when you even just breathe the air. Feel the joy of being in this world. Well, don’t you feel your own greatness, your own importance, your own exclusivity? Without you, this world would not exist, for you it certainly would not exist! Do you understand this? Realize how great it is to be human and enjoy life. You are human, you are a personality - you are unique, you are magnificent, you are divine! Feel how a strong personality awakens inside you, who can do anything. This person has crazy self-confidence because she is a great person. You are a great personality!

If, when thinking about yourself, you involuntarily begin to compare yourself with other people, because it is against their background that you feel like an insecure person, then drive these thoughts away. They, these other people, as it always seemed to you and probably still seems, are somehow better than you, especially severe cases- they are better than you in everything. If these thoughts torment you, then answer yourself the question - what if they are better than you? What's next? Well, yes, there are other people who may be better than you in some ways, and, by the way, worse in some ways, what does this have to do with you? You live your life, and they live theirs, you have your problems, they have theirs, you have your joys, and they have theirs. Other people have absolutely nothing to do with your self-confidence, because they are different, you understand, different. They look at life through their little window, and you through yours, they play their game, and you play yours. So forget about other people, don’t compare yourself to them, don’t compare your life to theirs, focus your attention on yourself! You are reading this article in order to increase your self-confidence, and not in order to understand why you are better and why you are worse than other people, so your personality is what is most important to you in this life. And I want to talk to you in this article only about you!

And you, too, need to think only about yourself, so, at this moment, you need to think only about yourself and no one else. You must realize that every part of you is the best, the most perfect thing that has ever been created in this world. All yours personal qualities that you know is the most valuable thing you have. Not your things, not yours life successes, not money or the attitude of other people towards you, should give you self-confidence, but your acceptance of yourself as you are. Understand that self-confidence is not some kind of pumping, pumping, pumping out your psyche, as they do with stupid people when they instill in them all kinds of nonsense about themselves - it is your understanding of your pricelessness, your exclusivity, your significance. The strong personality living inside you loves itself and values ​​itself, because it considers itself the most valuable creature in this world, and the slave, the weakling, living inside you, doesn’t care about itself, because it considers itself empty space. You must understand that you are not one of many, but one unique and unique, special. Well, there is no other person like you in the world, and there never will be. And the fact that you are living now is great happiness. This is how the self-confident master, leader, and leader who lives inside you perceives life. And the weak personality, which also lives in you, always compares itself with everyone, and of course, not in its favor. A weak personality thinks about others more than about himself, because he does not love and value himself, and does not consider himself a person at all. Drown out this weak personality in yourself with thoughts of your own greatness, because it is this that makes you an insecure person.

You must also understand, dear readers, that your actions will make you a confident person. Do you think these should be things that will allow you to achieve something outstanding in this life? No, any of your deeds can do this, any of your activities will benefit you. Many times I have come across people who frantically repeated - mistakes, mistakes, mistakes - we make mistakes, we constantly make mistakes, we do everything wrong and this kills our self-confidence. Therefore, we will not do anything else, because nothing works anyway. Friends, everyone makes mistakes! What's wrong with mistakes!? Our whole life consists of mistakes and problems; if there were no mistakes and problems, I don’t even know how you and I would live. And it’s okay to make mistakes, because, as you know, only those who do nothing make no mistakes. Do you know how many mistakes I have made in my life? There is a monstrous amount, so much that words simply cannot express it. Do you think I care that much? Not at all. And my self-confidence is not affected in any way by how many mistakes I have made in the past and how many I will make in the near future. Although no, I lie when I’m wrong - my self-confidence grows! And how will it not grow - I live, I act, I create, I do what I think is right, what I want to do, what I think is important to do. How can I not be confident in myself? And my mistakes testify to my active work. And when I make mistakes, I know for sure that I’m not afraid of anything and I’m not running from anything, I don’t limit myself in actions because of mistakes. I continue to do what I think I need to do, no matter what. And you say mistakes. Yes, spit on these mistakes, I mean, don’t attach importance to them of great importance, but just take them into account in order to know what not to do. In general, learn from mistakes, like smart people do, and don’t kill yourself because of them. The main thing is not to be afraid to act; the more things you do, the better. A self-confident person is a man of action!

So friends, love yourself, value yourself, admire yourself, don’t compare yourself to anyone, and your self-confidence will increase. And most importantly - act, I beg you, act! There is no need to sit idle and wait for some words of other people to give you confidence - go and do something important and great, make mistakes, then do it again, be persistent, don’t be afraid of difficulties and you won’t notice it yourself. how you will become a very confident person. Feed the strong personality within you, not the weak one. As long as you are in an active state, you will be charged with confidence; as soon as you fall into a passive state, your self-confidence will begin to fade.

If your negative life experiences prevail over positive ones, as a result of which you are not confident in yourself, then rethink your negative experience, yourself, or with the help of a psychologist. Think about it, is it as negative as you think? Maybe your failures in the past paved the way for you to success in the present or in the future? Although, what does it mean - maybe this is exactly how it is. Everything you did and are doing is all right! There is no need to regret anything. Rejoice in everything that was, what is and what will be, because our life consists of all this. Even the fact that until now you were an insecure person is a necessary set of sensations that you should have experienced in your life. Otherwise, life will seem tasteless, you know? I was once an insecure young man, and I didn’t particularly like this either. But it was still very good time. My self-doubt made sense - I just felt this uncertainty, experienced it, lived it until it went away, when I no longer needed it. Now I understand that these were quite interesting sensations, and I would not want to change anything in my life, namely, in my past. I am happy that I was an insecure person, but since in our practical world, it is still better to be confident, I abandoned insecurity in favor of confidence.

And now I suggest you do the same. Just give up self-doubt in favor of confidence, that's all you need to do. A person can change his behavior program whenever he wants, there is nothing complicated about it. You just need to want to change your views on life and yourself, and they will immediately change. Make a decision to become a confident person, and you will become one. A strong personality will awaken in you, and a weak personality will fall asleep. Give a command to your body - in the form of thoughts that you are a leader, a leader, that you are the best person in the world, that you are a unique person, that you are a brilliant person, special, priceless, that all your deeds and actions have been and will be correct! And then your self-confidence will awaken, because the personality of a strong person will awaken in you. With your right thoughts, you activate the self-confidence program.

If you fail to give yourself this command, contact me for help, then I will give you this command. You will definitely become a confident person with me! In some cases, people still need to change their lifestyle so that it begins to contribute to the awakening of a strong, confident personality in them. But you and I, dear friends, will talk about this in my other articles.

Where does self-confidence come from? Why do some people fearlessly take on any business, even if they know nothing about it, while others do not dare to take responsibility even for something they have lost their minds on? Some people think that self-confidence is an innate quality of character that the lucky ones are endowed with by the will of fate. And some consider it the result of great achievements and a long series of victories. In any case, the importance of self-confidence for personal success cannot be denied. As well as the fact that it can be developed through self-realization and cultivating positive qualities in oneself. These 7 tips will help you maintain or make up for your lack of self-confidence.

1. Don't worry if your confidence is inconsistent.

Perhaps, in the context of the topic of the article, this sounds contradictory. However, sometimes uncertainty has a beneficial effect on the quality of work. A small amount of doubt can allow you to approach a problem critically, see mistakes and understand what needs to be worked on. Overly confident people are blind to their shortcomings. Whereas doubts expose them, which leads to the desire to change. In a sense, it is uncertainty that drives development. It stimulates a strict approach to business and hones the quality of its implementation. Although self-confidence is an important psychological tool for achieving success, sometimes expressing the opposite state can be useful.

2. Be visionary

If the gas in your car's tank is already running low, you don't wait until it stops driving completely to refuel. Approximately the same principle should be applied in everything else. Solving problems as they arise does not always guarantee good result. Prepare the ground in advance, think through a plan of action in advance - this will only increase your confidence. Not worth losing free time simply. Fill it with things to do tomorrow. Foresight is a useful quality, especially in cases where activities make you worry and show uncertainty. Prepared means armed. And this principle must be applied at scale. whole life. If you have excellent health when you are young, this does not mean that you do not need to take care of it. And the absence of certain needs during this period does not mean that they will not appear with age. Therefore, you should spend more time on self-development and study, especially since you won’t have this time later.

3. Be kind to yourself

Everyone makes mistakes, and you are no exception. And sometimes it just seems to you that these are mistakes. One way or another, there are situations after which your self-confidence drops and you experience a depressing feeling that everything could have ended better. In such situations, the best thing you can do is accept the situation and show yourself grace. This will not only increase self-esteem, but also restore motivation and self-control. Psychologist Kelly McGonigal, in her book The Will Instinct, offers the following phrases to help restore self-confidence after failure:

- “I really didn’t do what I should have done in this situation, but having survived it, I became stronger”;
- “I was offended to receive a refusal, but, on the other hand, I know what I need to work on to avoid this in the future”;
- “It is impossible to remain perfect always”;
- “Don't let anything get you down. It will pass, like everything else.”

4. Reconsider your attitude towards failure

Repeated failures or problems reduce the level of stress hormones in our body. Therefore, each new challenge is not perceived so critically. Your confidence will be more resilient if you change your attitude towards failure and perceive it as experience. Change the wording and take the next problem as another chance to improve. Analyzing past mistakes improves productivity and quality of work. There is no need to intentionally allow them, but neither should you become depressed because of them.

5. Rate your knowledge higher

Don't devalue your own knowledge. A situation may always arise in which your life experience will come in handy. This does not always apply to a career, although even there the opportunity to apply your knowledge in practice will cement your self-confidence for a long time. But even in personal relationships, the advice you give can increase your authority and give you self-confidence. If you are asked for advice a good place recreation, bar, restaurant, store where you can buy good clothes, or what movie to watch, don’t be shy to show your awareness.

6. Know your strengths

Try now to remember the compliments and positive reviews, released in your direction. Those that are repeated are probably yours positive qualities. Remember them the next time you get down to business. The hesitancy we exhibit may be a result of a lack of faith in our potential. You can determine it in practice by assessing the success of the actions you have taken and the attitude of others towards them. Don’t underestimate your abilities and use them more often in life.

7. Remember your goals

This is important advice, especially when the urge to retreat arises. By reminding yourself of your goals and motivations, you gain greater self-confidence. After all, they are the root cause of any action. Often the thought of what you can get if you reach the end can generate enormous will and perseverance.

Without self-confidence, it is difficult to succeed, because business consists entirely of situations in which you have to leave your comfort zone. And all of them, from meetings and negotiations to sales and managing people, go better for you the more confident you are.

Here are 7 tricks to boost your self-confidence.

1. Never forget your strengths and don't be too hard on yourself.

For your personal use only, make a list of your strengths and the things you do really well. Be honest with yourself and avoid false modesty. It is not necessary to look for and write down outstanding qualities in yourself; these are enough: I keep my desk tidy, I finish what I start, I have a good memory, and so on. Re-read this list every week and add new items if possible. There are no ideal people. We all make mistakes. And they do not always happen solely through our fault.

2. Watch your health.

If you are in good shape, you can achieve a lot. Regular physical exercise that you enjoy doing builds strength, perseverance, and increases resistance to stress. Stick to it healthy eating and get enough sleep. Rest breaks, time for relaxation and time for yourself should be as integral a part of your daily routine as brushing your teeth. Enjoy the fact that you look good and try to get the most out of life. People around you will treat you with interest and respect.

3. Stay calm and try to alleviate stress.

Avoid fuss and haste. Develop stress resistance. Simple techniques Relaxation and stress management will calm your body and mind and become a lifeline for you. Find time for relaxation every day - at least five minutes. Practice mindfulness for at least a minute every day. Those few minutes will make a big difference.

4. Remember that you, like any person, have rights.,

which must be observed at work. Here are some of them: you have the right to your own opinion, to be treated with respect and as an equal, not to be insulted, to be listened to. You have the right to make mistakes, to fail, and to try again.

5. Plan, prioritize and be organized

You need to know where you are now, where you want to go and how you plan to get there. Know exactly what you want. Weigh everything carefully and plan. Decide what your first step will be and take it. Be prepared to adjust your plan as needed. Whatever task you face, prepare for it. If possible, rehearse your actions, such as giving a presentation, in advance. Pay due attention to this, and you will not only prepare for upcoming event, but also increase your confidence and self-esteem.

6. Body language.

Move and speak with confidence and you will not only look like it, but you will actually feel like it. Raise your head, relax your shoulders and body, establish visual contact with the interlocutor. Show calm and confidence when you open the door and enter the room. An open posture, a firm handshake, and a calm voice will show your interlocutor that you are happy to see him and communicate with him. Your speech should be clear, rhythmic, and infect with enthusiasm. Show your genuine interest and you can prove yourself to be a charismatic speaker!

7. Visualize.

Imagine chewing a slice of lemon... Your mouth is probably filled with saliva. So? The thing is that the human brain is not very good at distinguishing between what happens in the imagination and in the real world. That is why one of the simplest and effective ways strengthening willpower is visualization.

All you need to do is imagine a situation in which you want to feel more confident. Try to get a detailed image, then for a few minutes, step by step, work through the situation presented in your mind, coping with any difficulties that you think may arise. The task probably sounds strange, but it is easy to complete and the technique works.

You will succeed!

Even more about how to develop self-confidence and raise self-esteem in the book